I am not afraid

This coming Tuesday, the 21st of June, I am going in for some major cosmetic surgery.  I wasn't going to tell anyone about what it was for except for family.  I am going in for a tummy tuck, something I have wanted to do for the last 20 years.  This post is not about the surgery but about what could happen and the risks involved. Well not exactly that either.  It is more about if something does happen to me which is out of my control, I am not afraid of death.  I am afraid that if something does happen, the people I will leave behind.  Brandon.  My living son. I have thought about it all week, that the surgery I am going in for, there are some risks, such as infections and blood clots, but of course, I am going to take every precaution there is to avoid either of those. 

The thought that if something does happen to me, I will be with Zachery again.

I will be at peace.

I don't want to scare anyone but just in case, everyone knows.  The thought of leaving Brandon behind is what scares me.  He is a grown man, but I know the pain of losing a parent.  It wasn't easy.  It has been 10 years and there is a huge void in my life.  I don't want that for him.  Ever.  But just in case something should happen, I will be with my Zachery.  I don't even want to get into the thought of what my Dad would go through.  He lost his first born, Jane, in January 1974 of Lupus.  I can see in his eyes and the way he talks about her that he misses her terribly.  37 years later.


So keep your fingers and toes crossed for me, that everything goes safely and smoothly.  I am looking forward to a new me in the next few weeks.